Virtual Infidelity And Emotional Cheating: Grounds For Divorce? (2024)

We live in a world where technology has drastically altered the way we exist–and continues to do so. It has touched our lives, careers, communication, transportation, medicine, and more. So, it only makes sense that technology would affect our love lives as well, right?

Even in just the past two decades, people’s attitudes about infidelity have changed. People today expect more from a spouse than they did fifty years ago. They expect their partner to be their best friend, therapist, support system, AND a fantastic lover. While it’s ok to expect these things, there may be conflict between spouses about which expectations are reasonable. This conflict may extend to whether or not emotional cheating is cause for concern–or even divorce.

Not everyone will agree on what counts as cheating and what doesn’t. Not everyone will agree whether emotional cheating is grounds for divorce. The concept of virtual infidelity highlights this issue.

What actually is cheating? Does emotional cheating “count”?

Does kissing count or only sexual intercourse? What about flirting? What about flirting online? Watching p*rn? Emotional cheating?

Cheating can happen in a monogamous relationship, where romantic relationships occur between only two partners, and can also be present in open or polyamorous relationships. In these situations, cheating can look more like a lack of communication or breakage of boundaries rather than the physical act of being with someone else.

Physical cheating involves a physical connection with someone other than your partner (or, in the case of an open or polyamorous relationship: a physical connection with someone outside of the agreed-upon boundaries). Emotional cheating is a little harder to define.

What is emotional cheating?

Emotional cheating is an intimate connection with someone outside your relationship that weakens or undermines your primary romantic relationship. It occurs when one person in the relationship becomes emotionally attached to someone other than their spouse. This emotional connection can exist through prolonged communication, developing inside jokes, sharing fears, hopes, and dreams, and more.

Though emotional cheating is not physically sexual, it often has an erotic component. Regardless of any erotic component, it is considered by many to “count” as cheating.

Emotional cheating can happen in poly or open relationships as well! Ultimately it is a breach of trust and a violation of the boundaries that exist in your relationship. It is a connection that draws attention away from the relationship or primary partner in a way that disrupts trust.

One increasingly common form of cheating is virtual infidelity.

What are some examples of virtual infidelity?

Just as there are multiple ways to build and break someone’s trust physically, there are different ways to virtually break trust in a relationship. Building and breaking trust looks different to everyone! But the internet certainly complicates things by creating opportunities to break trust and emotionally cheat.

What kinds of virtual infidelity exist? What do they look like? Here are some examples:

  • Watching p*rnography: Some people consider watching p*rn cheating while others don’t- we all make our own rules in relationships and determine the things that break those rules. p*rn can both increase or decrease satisfaction in relationships. The problem is that lots of people don’t want to admit they watch p*rn and, therefore, never discuss it with their partners. Talk to your partner about p*rn! Let them know your boundaries and expectations. If watching p*rn violates you or your partner’s trust, it could be virtual infidelity.
  • Cybersex: There are so many different types of cybersex that this section could be a whole article on its own! And again, these activities are only cheating when they violate the trust or agreement in a marriage. Types of cybersex include online chat rooms, online video chatting, sexting (which can occur through text, email, social media, you name it), using connected sex toys to sexually engage with people online, contracting sex workers online through sites like OnlyFans, and more.
  • Cyber Affair: A cyber affair is a type of affair that can include any and all aspects of cybersex and can encompass one-time encounters or ongoing relationships.

Virtual infidelity has become extremely common. The internet affords us a convenient place to be anonymous and seek escape. We can sit in the comfort of our own homes, be open and frank with less fear of judgment, and seek out exciting new connections. Though this may seem harmless at first glance, it can cause real detriment to a marriage.

Can virtual infidelity be the same as emotional cheating? Absolutely. The two are not necessarily separate.

Signs of virtual infidelity and emotional cheating

Every relationship is different, so signs of cheating for some may be meaningless to another. With that in mind, here are some things to look for if you believe your spouse is having an online or emotional affair:

  1. They just want to get online! They seem distracted and are eager to spend most of their time online.
  2. Change in their schedule. They stay up later or wake up earlier to be on their computer/ phone.
  3. They have increased privacy demands. It becomes super important for you not to touch their electronic devices. They close the door when you walk by, change their passwords, etc.
  4. Change in behavior. They start acting off, emotionally distant, being flakey, and getting defensive and angry with you.
  5. Sexual desire changes. They either have a noticeably increased or decreased desire to engage with you physically and sexually.
  6. They stop turning to you for comfort. They begin seeking solace in another relationship and become defensive about that relationship.
  7. They become suddenly irritable with you, especially after being with the other person.
  8. They are less inclined to work on the relationship with you. They communicate less and share less with you.

Emotional affairs can be devastating to marriages. Though certain risks come with physical affairs like unwanted pregnancies and STIs, a short lived-physical fling or a one-night-stand might carry less weight or be less painful than an ongoing relationship with another person that fosters emotional connection.

So what do you do when your partner is having an online or emotional affair?

Is emotional cheating or virtual infidelity grounds for divorce?

I can’t tell you whether or not to end your marriage; ultimately, that is your decision. What I can tell you is that if your relationship is suffering from the fallout of an emotional affair or virtual infidelity, you are not alone!

Infidelity is hard to handle in relationships. There are tons of reasons why people cheat, and it can trigger old wounds, create new wounds, and have you reassessing your whole life. The most crucial first step is to take care of yourself. Think about your goals, needs, and desires. Re-evaluate your values. Then decide if your partner fits into your life moving forward!

If you do want to file for divorce, here are a few things you should know:

Technically, in divorce law, physical contact of a sexual nature is required to claim adultery. With rapidly evolving technology, however, the lines of this definition are becoming blurred. So you CAN cite infidelity for an cyber affair, and you may be able to receive financial compensation. Especially if the cheating spouse spent money on gifts, paying for websites, buying webcams, etc.

You are your number one, so take care of yourself! Lean on your people, find a support group, start therapy, practice mindfulness techniques, or scream into the void. Whatever you need to do to get yourself feeling like yourself again, PLEASE do it! No judgment here.

On the other hand, if you want to rebuild your marriage (and your partner does, too!), the first place to start is with trust.

Moving forward: rebuilding trust and communication

Trust can mean different things to everyone, so talk to your partner, and figure out what you need to feel safe, respected, and open to vulnerability. Here are some ways to do that:

  1. Make sure all parties are committed to this; rebuilding a relationship will NOT work if only one person wants it to work.
  2. Try to get to the route of the problem. There is not often one reason for a lie or a betrayal but try to figure out where it could have stemmed from.
  3. COMMUNICATE! You have to do this together. It won’t always be fun or easy but try not to hold things in or cover things up.
  4. Practice forgiving your partner and forgiving yourself.
  5. Set goals. Do you only want them to end the affair? Do you want them to stop using the internet altogether? Think about what this looks like, be specific!
  6. Try not to dwell on the past. If you continue to bring up the infidelity from the past while your partner is attempting to move forward, it could create strife and resentment.
  7. Practice empathetic listening. Use non-blaming statements and try to understand where your partner is coming from.
  8. Give each other time! You can’t fix a breach of trust overnight, and we are not perfect. It will take time to process.
  9. Consider couples therapy. You don’t have to do this alone! Marriage counseling can help to rebuild trust and create a safe space to move forward.

The bottom line:

This is all up to you. It is possible to rebuild trust after a betrayal, and it is also OK if you want to call it quits. You know your relationship better than anyone else, and you’re the best judge of whether emotional cheating is grounds for divorce. Take a deep breath, communicate with your partner, and forge your path forward. You got this!

Written By: Julia Gobin, LMSWDecember 19, 2022

Virtual Infidelity And Emotional Cheating: Grounds For Divorce? (2024)

FAQs

Virtual Infidelity And Emotional Cheating: Grounds For Divorce? ›

Technically, in divorce law, physical contact of a sexual nature is required to claim adultery. With rapidly evolving technology, however, the lines of this definition are becoming blurred. So you CAN cite infidelity for an cyber affair, and you may be able to receive financial compensation.

Is online cheating grounds for divorce? ›

Though virtual infidelity is emotionally devastating and can destroy the trust that exists in many relationships, it typically does not meet the legal definition of adultery because there is no physical contact between parties.

Does emotional cheating count in divorce? ›

While emotional affairs can be just as damaging to the marriage as physical affairs, they do not constitute adultery in divorce court.

Is emotional cheating considered infidelity? ›

What Is Emotional Cheating? Emotional cheating is a type of infidelity where one partner shares emotional intimacy and connection with someone other than their partner. This connection crosses the boundaries of a healthy, platonic relationship and assumes a breach of trust within the primary relationship.

Is sexting grounds for divorce? ›

Courts Say Sexting and Cyber Sex are Not Adultery

For the most part, no. For one thing, all 50 states have enacted no-fault options, which allow you to get a divorce without proving that your spouse engaged in adultery or some other type of marital misconduct that caused your marriage.

Is talking to someone and paying online consider a cheat to your spouse? ›

Now it's possible to become involved with someone other than your spouse or partner by hooking up online. But while it may seem innocent enough—after all, you aren't in physical contact—online cheating really is just that: cheating.

What is a virtual adultery? ›

Virtual affairs betray the trust of one's partner and violate agreements of sexual exclusivity; they happen when one partner looks at p*rnography or has an online affair with someone that he's probably never met and probably never will.

How do you prove emotional cheating? ›

Signs of emotional cheating
  1. You share things with the other person that you haven't shared with your partner.
  2. You confide in the other person about the intimate details of your relationship troubles.
  3. You've become more detached and emotionally disconnected from your partner.
Sep 24, 2021

What constitutes emotional cheating? ›

Broadly, emotional infidelity describes a situation in which an individual in a relationship develops an important emotional connection with someone other than their partner, in a way that crosses a line without necessarily becoming physical.

At what point is it emotional cheating? ›

What counts as emotional cheating? Generally speaking, emotional cheating happens when your closeness to someone else disrupts your investment in your partner. You focus on the connection you have with them instead of on your existing (usually monogamous) relationship.

What is Microcheating? ›

Micro cheating refers to acts of seemingly trivial, inappropriate behaviors that occur outside of one's devoted relationship, often done unintentionally.

What is the difference between micro cheating and emotional cheating? ›

Emotional cheating often involves secrecy and lies, as the person engaging in the behavior may try to hide the extent of their emotional relationship with someone else from their partner. In contrast, micro-cheating behaviors may be more overt, and may not necessarily involve lying or deceit.

What is an example of cyber cheating? ›

This can include everything from sexting and private messages to sexual pictures and using dating sites while in a relationship. The key factor of cheating that social media facilitates is secrecy. When people start flirty, romantic, sexual relationship or Instagram, this is called online infidelity.

Can text messages be used in court to prove adultery? ›

A text may have been intended to be private, but it can be used as a form of written communication in a legal case that shows to the entire world an affair and cheating. A text can also expose terse messages about a couple's children, visitations, and custody related matters.

Can the content of text messages be used in divorce? ›

California is a no-fault divorce state, so neither side is required to prove that the other person is the one responsible for the ending of the marriage. However, text messages between spouses can be submitted as evidence in a California divorce case.

Is texting cheating in divorce? ›

Inappropriate texting can be considered cheating depending on a couple's boundaries around fidelity. Signs of a texting affair may include being secretive, keeping your phone down or out of sight, and flirting with others through text.

Is online flirting infidelity? ›

Basically, even if you never end up taking someone to bed, if you have been flirting with them and expressing your interest in them, this can count as cheating in most people's eyes. So, this brings us to our big question: is online flirting cheating? The simple answer to this question is yes.

How common is online cheating? ›

More than half of the respondents believed an online relationship constituted unfaithfulness, with the numbers climbing to 71 percent for cybersex and 82 percent for in-person meetings.

What is considered cheating on social media? ›

In most cases of social media cheating, cheaters tend to stick to the private messaging features within social apps. Some people do comment or post inappropriate content from their normal profiles however, such as liking or replying to sexual images of others.

What are the effects of online infidelity? ›

Problems that arise include loss of trust, a decrease in self-esteem, and a sense of isolation. Some users begin to have difficulty becoming aroused by their partners, avoid sex, and experience emotional distress in their relationships. In fact, 52 percent of cybersex users lose interest in relational sex.

How to catch a spouse cheating online? ›

10 ways to find out if your partner is truly cheating online
  1. Pay good attention to their online activity. ...
  2. Check their email activity. ...
  3. Do an email research. ...
  4. Search for some names on Google or social media platforms. ...
  5. Add your fingerprints to their phone. ...
  6. Check their messaging apps. ...
  7. Check for hidden video and photo files.
Jan 6, 2022

Can a marriage survive emotional infidelity? ›

Yes. Your marriage can come back from emotional infidelity. “Marriages can not only survive emotional affairs, they can become stronger than they were prior to the affair,” says Dr. Dena DiNardo, a clinical psychologist and licensed marriage and family therapist from Philadelphia.

How do you trust after online cheating? ›

Building Trust After Cheating
  1. Let Yourself Be Raw With Your Emotions. ...
  2. Don't Ignore What Happened. ...
  3. Don't Be a Helicopter Partner. ...
  4. Stay Present and Future-Oriented. ...
  5. Go to Counseling. ...
  6. Trust Yourself. ...
  7. Communicate About Communication.
Apr 22, 2019

Is texting cheating in a relationship? ›

Emailing and texting might not be physical cheating, but that doesn't mean you're free of blame. It could still be considered emotional infidelity a.k.a emotional cheating. And if you or your partner aren't emotionally committed to each other then you have to take a serious look at the future of your relationship.

What to do if your husband has a wandering eye? ›

Don't try to "police" your partner's wandering eyes. If your partner's wandering eye creates a problem in your relationship, discuss the issue with them. Start with your own feelings, not with an accusation or criticism. Suggest couple's therapy or attend therapy on your own if your requests are continually ignored.

What do you call someone who cheated in a relationship? ›

On this page you'll find 29 synonyms, antonyms, and words related to cheater, such as: swindler, deceiver, defrauder, grifter, scammer, and shark.

Why is emotional cheating so damaging? ›

The Effect of Emotional Cheating

No matter the form of cheating, the trust is broken, and this could have adverse effects. If these trust issues remain unsolved, the person cheated on can no longer form healthy relationships with other people. They can become paranoid and feel threatened by their partner's friendships.

What does cheating do to a woman emotionally? ›

A woman feels abandoned

This is where most of the fear of being cheated on comes from. The woman feels that once replaced by someone else, she is no longer needed, wanted, and will eventually be discarded. It hurts her pride as a woman and worth as a person. She would feel that all her love and efforts are in vain.

What are 3 examples of cyber ethics? ›

Do not access any data, systems or networks without authority or permission. Do not spread computer viruses or malicious codes, or conduct any hacking activities on other computers. Respect all other Internet users. Do not threaten, harass, stalk or abuse anyone.

What is an example of cheating scenario? ›

The following are some examples of cheating, but by no means is it an exhaustive list: Copying from another student during an examination or allowing another to copy your work. Unauthorized collaboration on a take home assignment or examination. Using notes during a closed book examination.

Are screenshots of text messages admissible in court? ›

Legal requirements to take screenshots for litigation. Even though it might seem unusual, screenshots are admissible evidence. Yes, you can use them as legal proof, but you can't just present them and expect everything to be okay. Time and date matter a lot in a litigation process.

Are phone records enough to prove adultery? ›

Can Phone Records be used to Prove Adultery? In some cases, yes. Cell phone records can be used to prove adultery in a divorce case. However, adultery is grounds for divorce only in states that allow “at-fault” divorces.

How much evidence do you need to prove infidelity? ›

How Do You Prove It. The person alleging adultery must prove that their spouse committed an adulterous act via direct evidence (e.g., eyewitness accounts; admissions by the guilty spouse and/or the paramour) or, more often, via circ*mstantial evidence.

What should you not text during a divorce? ›

Communicating with your spouse via text messaging can be dangerous, especially during a divorce. Do not text anything accusatory, inflammatory, or derogatory. These types of messages can be used against you in court if your case goes to trial.

Is it illegal to read your spouse's text messages? ›

The Electronic Communications Privacy Act (ECPA) is a federal law that makes it a crime to access someone else's private communications without permission. It covers cell phones, computer use, email, social media accounts, and other types of electronic communications.

Can my spouse get copies of my text messages? ›

Formal discovery requires a party to disclose anything asked by the other party which is relevant and within the control of the party. This includes text messages (unless they were deleted). Failure to answer discovery may result in the finding of contempt against the spouse.

What happens if you cheat while going through a divorce? ›

While cheating and adultery will not affect your ability to divorce, it certainly can determine if the divorce no-fault or fault. Additionally, adultery can also have an impact on the decisions made during the divorce process, including alimony and property division.

Is sending flirty texts cheating? ›

Is flirting on text cheating? If your partner considers flirting over text cheating, or if your messages would upset them, then yes — it may be considered cheating in your relationship.

What is considered inappropriate texting? ›

Some examples of inappropriate text messages include: Sending or asking for sexually explicit photos. Texting jokes that are vulgar. Unwanted flirtation.

Is texting cheating divorce? ›

A text may have been intended to be private, but it can be used as a form of written communication in a legal case that shows to the entire world an affair and cheating. A text can also expose terse messages about a couple's children, visitations, and custody related matters.

What to do with a online cheating husband? ›

Recovering from Online Infidelity
  1. Take responsibility. You must tell yourself, no matter how mild you feel it is, that it is an affair. ...
  2. Make sacrifices. As your partner might not have a lot of trust for you, be mindful of that and allow them to have access to your social media platforms. ...
  3. Give your partner space.

What is a cheating wife entitled to in a divorce? ›

Your attorney will know what to look for and can help spearhead this investigation. As a married person in California, you have the right to 50% of your marriage's community property. A cheating spouse with an extramarital affair cannot take away what is rightfully yours under the law.

What can you do legally if your spouse is cheating? ›

The person with whom your wife cheated is a danger to you

You do have rights. You can seek a civil restraining order against that person if his (or her) conduct rises to the level of harassment or a threat of harm to you. Such restraining orders are usually outside of the family law forum.

What is considered cheating over text? ›

Inappropriate texting can be considered cheating depending on a couple's boundaries around fidelity. Signs of a texting affair may include being secretive, keeping your phone down or out of sight, and flirting with others through text.

Is a wife entitled to half of everything if she cheated? ›

The answer is no. It is a common misconception that infidelity can ultimately allow one spouse to take more than an equal share of marital property. The hard truth is, if you go to court you will have to spend tens of thousands of dollars and up to two or more years before a judge hears your case.

Can my wife get alimony if she cheated on me? ›

In California, an adulterous spouse isn't forced to pay alimony due to infidelity. Punitive damages are not awarded on this basis. Instead, alimony is only required based on the financial needs and abilities of the spouses.

How much circ*mstantial evidence is needed to prove adultery? ›

To prove adultery via circ*mstantial evidence, one must show that the adulterous spouse had both the “disposition” to commit adultery and the “opportunity” to do so. Evidence of “disposition” includes photographs of the adulterous spouse and the other man or woman kissing or engaging in other acts of affection.

What's the difference between adultery and infidelity? ›

What is infidelity? If adultery only refers to physical sexual contact outside of a committed relationship, infidelity is left to encompass all other forms of cheating. Merriam-Webster defines it as a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse or partner.

What states is adultery illegal? ›

In Which States Is Adultery Illegal?
  • Alabama. Adultery is illegal in Alabama. ...
  • Arizona. Adultery is illegal in Arizona under Section 13-1408 of the Arizona Revised Statutes. ...
  • Florida. Adultery is illegal in Florida under Section 798.01 of the Florida Statutes. ...
  • Idaho. ...
  • Illinois. ...
  • Kansas. ...
  • Michigan. ...
  • Minnesota.
May 1, 2023

What is irreconcilable differences infidelity? ›

Irreconcilable differences is a no-fault grounds for divorce, which means neither party committed any sort of extenuating act, such as adultery, abandonment or extreme cruelty. In other words, no-fault divorce is just like it sounds—no single party is at fault for the breakdown of the marriage.

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